where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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