i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
