I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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