so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
