You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
