Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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