I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
