I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
