Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
