I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
