Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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