Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
