wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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