Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
