No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
