Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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