If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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