Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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