it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
