Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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