no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
