am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
