oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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