90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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