I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
