So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
