If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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