Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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