Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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