I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
