I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
