Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Even my vagina gasped.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
