I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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