his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
