bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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