I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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