I just cut my nipple shaving
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
