He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
