you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
