i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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