he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
