i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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