i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
