there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
