The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
