I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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