I think i peed on brittanys purse
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
