Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
