Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
