i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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