is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
