Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
