he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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