You smell like stripper and shame
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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