Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
