and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
that is very illegal...i love you.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
