if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
