She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
