he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
