I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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