Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
