Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
nutella sex= disaster
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
