I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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