Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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