Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
