Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
