I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
