people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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