OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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