Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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