Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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